


Storm At Ebbtide

by orphan_account



Category: Riptide (TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-27
Updated: 2012-01-27
Packaged: 2017-10-30 05:31:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/328251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>by Virginia Ann Jacshuan</p>
    </blockquote>





	Storm At Ebbtide

**Author's Note:**

> by Virginia Ann Jacshuan

STORM AT EBBTIDE   


Virginia Ann Jacshuan 

  


> Love when you can, cry when you have to  
> Feel, you must, it's a part of the plan

Dan Fogelberg   


  


It was one of the last warm days of fall, so even though there was the slightest chill underlying the sunshine, the Riptide Detective Agency had headed out to Shark Island to spend an afternoon on an uncrowded beach. The _Ebbtide_ had been acting up - not too surprising after the damage it had sustained in the course of a recent case involving some sleazeballs who had tried to use it in their getaway - and it was towed ignominiously behind the _Riptide_.   


When they reached the island, Nick promptly staked out a towel's worth of sand where he could catch some rays and kibbitz as Cody worked on the _Ebbtide_. Cody pulled the cover off the engine and was soon immersed head-first in it, cheerfully ignoring the helpful hints and running commentary from the peanut gallery.   


Murray was working on some new research project, using the Roboz to link up with whatever land-based systems he needed access to. Earlier experiences with deceptively cool days and severe sunburn had left him cautious. While Nick lounged on his towel in only a bathing suit, Murray sat cross-legged nearby wearing a hat and long-sleeved shirt, the keyboard across his knees. He was not making a lot of progress, since he was dividing his attention between the computer, the portable radio playing mellow rock, and Nick's barrage of witticisms.   


"Hey, Cody? Did you check the emergency supplies locker? It looked like a couple rounds might have gone through that too." Nick pulled another beer from the cooler and opened it with obvious relish. He appeared willing to help with just about anything that did not involve moving farther than the edges of his towel.   


"Murray, would you tell this bozo that I know what I'm doing?" Cody's voice was slightly muffled coming from inside the rear compartment.   


"If he knew what he was doing, he'd be dangerous. Mainly to himself," Nick informed Murray.   


"I heard that!" Cody popped indignantly out of the back. "It is well known that I am in fact the brains of this outfit while you are only my lowly sidekick."   


"Yeah? If you're the smart one, how come I'm laying here getting a tan while you're working on the boat, getting sweaty?" He took a deep swallow out of the fresh can and sighed appreciatively.   


"Some of us have to be responsible adults," Cody argued.   


Nick snorted derisively. "This from a man who offers tuna sandwiches to seasick guests."   


Murray had been following the exchange like a tennis match and awarded the point to Nick's last remark, cracking up as he recalled the incident. His laughter was infectious and soon they were all chuckling over it.   


As long as he had been interrupted anyway, Cody climbed over the seat and opened the locker under it. With a disgusted groan he pulled out the small box holding the emergency stores and tossed it onto the beach. It was liberally riddled with bullet holes and had plainly not been checked for quite some time preceding this particular adventure.   


"I'm getting real tired of this, you know," Cody announced as he waded out of the water, picked up the box, and carried it up to plop down next to Nick. "My boats are full of holes and I'm continually replacing stuff I've never used."   


"Next time, get the bullet-proof kind," Nick suggested.   


Murray looked up in surprise. "Really? They make bullet-proof ones?"   


"Sure. A little more expensive, but worth it."   


"No, Murray, they don't, or I'd consider it. On the other hand, maybe I could just have everything armor plated to start with." Cody rummaged around in the cooler idly at first, then peered into it. He looked up longingly at the can Nick was holding, moisture beading on its sides, and said plaintively, "Don't tell me that was the last one."   


"It was the last one."   


"I asked you not to tell me that."   


"What are sidekicks for?" With a long-suffering sigh Nick handed over the can, then quickly reclaimed it when it began to look like Cody intended to finish it without coming up for air. "Don't you have some work to do or something?" he asked pointedly.   


Cody sucked the foam off his mustache reflectively and admitted that there might indeed be a couple of small things left to do. "I don't suppose you could be induced to give me a hand with it?" he asked hopefully, though it was plain he didn't really expect anything but the self-satisfied smirk he got as an answer. He sighed heavily and went back to the speedboat.   


Between the quiet hissing of the surf, the low music, and the warm sunshine, Nick was soon drifting comfortably in the half-conscious state just before a true nap when he was abruptly startled awake by Cody's anguished cry. Sitting up suddenly, he overturned the can that had been sitting balanced in the sand by his elbow and an ounce of warm beer soaked into his towel. "Cody? You OK?" he called, climbing to his feet and starting toward the water.   


Cody appeared from beneath the dash of the _Ebbtide_ , gasping for air but waving that he was all right. He exited the _Ebbtide_ by falling over the side and sloshed weakly back toward the shore. Nick met him halfway and helped him over to sit by Murray. "What happened?" he asked, but had to wait for Cody to get his breath back enough to answer.   


"Remember how I was going to fix the bullet holes and we got that fiberglass and the solvent and stored them in the forward compartment?"   


"Yeah? Wait, you don't mean..."   


"Right. Shot just as full of holes as the rest of MY boat. The fumes are so thick it's probably rotting the grills off the stereo speakers, but I couldn't stay in there long enough to find out. I don't know how we're going to get it aired out, there isn't any ventilation in there."   


"What you mean, 'we', paleface? It's YOUR boat."   


"They were shooting at both of us, remember?"   


Nick shrugged noncommittally and returned to his towel, sniffing in disgust at the scent of warm beer now wafting upward from it. Cody glared at him briefly, then trudged back out to the damaged speedboat.   


The hourly newsbreak nattered on in the usual manner and was dutifully ignored until the weather forecast. Nick grimaced in disapproval. "Can you believe that? They're predicting a severe storm tonight, low temperatures, small craft warnings, the works." He waved at the clear blue sky overhead and continued, "The depressing thing is, they're probably right. How could such a nice day get messed up so fast?"   


"Well, that's easy, Nick," the Boz explained. "This time of year, the jet stream is shifting, causing rapid shifts in air-to-water temperature ratios, which can create some very sudden storm systems. It's all very interesting. In fact, this project I'm working on now involves satellite imaging of storm systems, trying to improve the satellite photo resolution for better forecasting."   


"That's nice, Murray, it really is." Nick yawned appreciatively. "Say, can this doowhat tell us how soon we gotta leave to make King Harbor before the storm hits?" He rolled over and stretched luxuriously, contemplating the sand under his nose through half-closed eyes.   


"Of course. I just have to call up the latest picture from the satellite that covers the southern California coast, and have the data compared to its last scan, displayed as the rate of change statistics on the Roboz, then extrapolate the function from there to get a projected estimate. There. Hey, look at that! That is one fast-moving front! According to the latest projection, it'll be here by sunset. We should leave here in about an hour to avoid the rough water."   


"Nuts." Nick rolled back over and called to Cody, "Did you hear that? We hafta pull out in an hour to beat the storm. Think you'll have that hunk of junk running by then?"   


"Junk?!" The outraged reply made Nick smile. Cody waved a socket wrench at him and continued in an aggrieved tone, "You can't expect a finely-tuned precision machine like this to get shot up regularly and not have a few problems. Not to mention what it's doing to our insurance rates. But I'm almost done."   


"You sure you know what you're doing?"   


"Hey, c'mon, it's me!" They grinned at each other. "If you're worried about it, why not take the _Riptide_ and leave now? I bet I can finish this and still beat you into port."   


Nick's grin changed to an anticipatory smirk. "You're on. Dinner at Straightaway's?"   


Cody paused a moment to glance back at the engine, estimating the actual amount of work left. "Sure. Hope you can afford lobster."   


"Hah! Come on, Murray, I hate to take his money, but somebody's gotta teach him a lesson. Better it should be his friends." Nick stood up and shook the sand out of his towel, then pulled Boz to his feet. "Collect your gizmos, we're going to the boat races."   


"Boss! A race! Can I drive the _Riptide_?"   


"Murray, how many times have I gotta tell you, you don't 'drive' a boat." As they carried the Roboz past the _Ebbtide_ , Nick paused unexpectedly, nearly tripping Murray.   


"What is it?" Boz queried, puzzled at the disturbed expression that had flashed across Nick's face.   


"Nothing, I just..." He turned to look at Cody, who was busy tightening bolts in the depths of the engine compartment. "Must be that storm already, the wind's getting cold. Let's go. See ya at dinner, Cody." 

"Sure. Toss me my sweater before you leave, OK?"

***

  


With the last few bolts tightened down, Cody made a hurried inspection of the rest of the engine. The _Riptide_ had already vanished around the cape and was no doubt steaming toward King Harbor as fast as Nick could coax it to go. Closing the cover, he patted it confidently and said, "OK, sweetheart, let's show them what you can do." He pulled on his sweater, amazed at how quickly the temperature seemed to be falling as the sun got lower, and turned the key to start the engine. It roared to life immediately and he cheered himself on as he swung the wheel and sped out of the small bay.   


It was not a very long trip back to King Harbor and he was making such good time that he thought he could see the _Riptide_ just up ahead, when the smooth sound of his engine gave way to a sputtering cough that soon died away completely. Hardly able to believe it, Cody tried restarting the motor but it wouldn't even crank. "Damn!" Pounding his fist on the wheel didn't help any and he twisted in the seat, practically leaping for the rear. If he could find what was wrong and get it going in the next ten minutes or so, there was still a chance to catch and pass Nick before he reached the dock. 

The slight rising wind was definitely getting cooler, its chilling effect augmented by the spray it blew off the water as it gained strength. Cursing as the swells threw him off balance, causing him to bump his head on one of the braces, Cody poked and prodded at all the points of the motor he could reach, searching for the reason it had stopped running. Nothing obvious presented itself and his temper deteriorated as his chances of making good his boast faded steadily.

***

  


By the time the _Riptide_ reached King Harbor it was nearly dark, the dusk hastened by the rapid buildup of gray threatening clouds. The wind was getting stronger and colder, a few drops of rain already falling as they moored at the dock.   


Before long, Nick's initial elation at winning the bet faded, replaced by a growing concern as Cody failed to appear. As the wind rose steadily, blowing in the dark heavy clouds from the sea, he paced restlessly at first, then occupied himself for a while checking the tiedowns on the _Mimi_ and putting the cover over the Vette. He even put the top on the Jimmy.   


Within another hour it was completely dark and the rain had changed from a light sprinkle to a steady downpour. Genuinely worried, he went forward to Murray's computer room.   


"Hi, Nick. Cody back yet?" Involved in some esoteric data manipulation, Boz didn't look up right away. The stress evident in Nick's voice when he replied brought him to full attention.   


"No, and it's getting kinda nasty out there. Can you hook into the Coast Guard or the local harbormasters or something and see if he came into another dock? Though I think he would have called us to come and get him if he'd done that," he mused.   


"Sure, just a minute." He shut down the project he'd been working on and hooked in the phone, then commenced calling and requesting information on the _Ebbtide_. It took nearly an hour to check all the possible ports within the speedboat's range and he tried the Coast Guard several times, asking if there had been any distress calls registered. There was no record anywhere that Cody or the _Ebbtide_ had been seen or heard from.   


Frustrated, Nick wandered off again, thinking of the chewing out he would give Cody if he were sitting in some port bar watching girls and had just forgotten to call. Knowing his friend, he didn't think that very likely at all, but it was preferable to most of the alternatives he could come up with.   


  


Soaked to the skin by the rain and spray driven off the waves by the wind, Cody had to give up trying to find the problem in the engine when it got too dark to see. Along with all the rest of the damaged and now missing supplies there had been a flashlight and right now he missed that even more than the Mylar blanket that might have kept him a bit warmer. _Though that's bound to change soon,_ he thought grimly, already beginning to shiver. _You've pulled some pretty dumb stunts in your life, Allen, but this one really takes the cake._   


Knowing that his only chance was to conserve as much energy as he could and wait to be found he pulled off his sweater, wrung most of the water out of it and, wishing it had at least been made of wool, put it back on. Without power there was no point in trying to control the direction he was drifting, so he crawled into the small space under the dash. It was the only shelter from the biting wind the _Ebbtide_ could provide, since the forward compartment was uninhabitable, and it was woefully inadequate. 

Scrunching around, he tried to find a comfortable position in which to spend what was probably going to be most of the night. That proved impossible and he ended up settling for the least unpleasant. Resigning himself to the inevitable cramped legs, he sat, wet and miserable, and swore to himself never to let Nick's needling get under his skin again. _Looks like he wins this bet after all. Hope he shows up to collect real soon._

***

  


Nick tried reading for a while, but found that he had finished a page five times and still didn't know what he had read. Every shift in the wind sounded like the mutter of a boat's engine to him and he kept pulling the blind aside to look for Cody's return.   


By midnight he was back to nervously pacing, trying to convince himself that there was no reason to get all worked up and failing miserably. The temperature had dropped, it was pouring rain, and the wind was gusting strongly enough to cause drafts through the _Riptide_ 's upper deck. And Cody was out there in a small open boat, lightly dressed and without any backup supplies. Every passing hour lessened his chances of survival.   


With a disgusted exclamation, Nick threw the book into a corner and stomped back down to Murray's room. "Can you try those computers again? There's gotta be some way to find out where he is."   


"Cody's not back yet? OK, I'll run through them again, maybe something has come in. Gee, isn't it awful late for him to be out in that small a boat? I hope nothing's happened to him."   


"Yeah, me too, come on, how do you turn these things on?" He hovered over Murray as if proximity to the machines would help them locate Cody faster. But as the time progressed and the Boz went through the list a second time with the same negative results, he took up the pacing again, turning back and forth in the narrow confines of the room with growing tension.   


Without asking, Murray rechecked all the sources again, with the same outcome. Nick watched, his continuing worry combining with a new disillusionment at what had always seemed to be an infallible method of finding out everything they ever needed to know by simply poking a few buttons. The frustration of not being able to do anything useful fueled an anger in him that ended up bursting out at the nearest available target.   


"What good is all this stuff? Why can't you find out where Cody is?" Nick waved an arm at the surrounding banks of humming electronics. "The one time we really need to find out where somebody is and you can't even locate one lousy boat! Just what the hell good is it?" He knew it wasn't Murray's fault that no word of Cody's location could be found, and the unfairness of taking out his worry by yelling at the Boz was evident to him as soon as he wound down his tirade.   


"Nick, I'm doing all I can," Murray protested.   


"Yeah, I know." He sighed and stood for a moment, dejectedly contemplating the uninformative screen of the computer. "Keep trying, would you?"   


"Sure. If there's any word anywhere, I'll find it." His promise was spoken to thin air. Turning back to the keyboard, he sat thinking for a couple of seconds, then abruptly whapped the side of the terminal and demanded, "What good are you?" The Roboz backed in confusion, its head turning from side to side as if it too was trying to deny that the lack of results was due to any lack of effort. The screen on its chest flashed I'M SORRY MURRAY. "No, it's not your fault either, let's try another approach." He took a few deep breaths, then settled back to work with a grim determination.   


Moving back to the upper deck, Nick felt badly about having lost his temper at Murray, who was honestly doing the best he could and had the most chance of finding out what had happened to Cody. _God knows I can't seem to think of any better approach._ His mouth twisted in bitter reflection. _So I blow my top at the only real hope we've got to find him while he's still likely to be alive. Smart, Ryder. You're a regular genius sometimes._   


Depression settled in as he felt the slight motion of the _Riptide_ that indicated the storm was violent enough to raise swells in the harbor. He climbed to the bridge and stared out at the driving rain. It was noticeably chillier than below and he shivered, then thought of what it must be like for Cody out in it without any more protection than the _Ebbtide_ could afford. The tension that had driven him to yell at the Boz knotted his stomach with renewed force and he silently cursed himself for having made the stupid remark that had led to the bet. _Always did get told my smart-aleck attitude would get me in trouble. I never minded the dirty looks and occasional thrown punch for wise-assing, but I never bargained for this._   


Beginning to hate the weather as if it was a personal enemy, he leaned his forehead against the cold glass of the window, watching his breath condense on it. The urge to pace returned, but he refused to give in to it. Though he couldn't stand still, there was nowhere to go, and he had an increasingly bad feeling that he knew just what had happened. There had been another engine failure, his friend was out in the middle of that mess, and it was his fault for egging Cody on. This time his wit could cost him his best friend's life and the knowledge of that drove him mercilessly.   


He felt like a spring that had been wound too tightly, all compressed energy with no outlet. Taking a deep breath to calm his racing fears, he found that even the cool air felt unbearably stuffy. With a sort of masochistic urge to see just how bad it was outside, he opened the door and stepped onto the deck. The rain didn't feel cold at first, though he was drenched in a few seconds. Through the brief lulls in the wind he could hear the clanging of the bell on the harbor buoy, a distant melancholy warning that sounded unbearably lonely. Driven by the wind, the small drops stung his eyes, blurring his vision until he could barely see the arching spray from the waves that crashed against the breakwater, backlit by the neon signs of the restaurants on the pier. 

The _Riptide_ rocked again, groaning as it rebounded from the dock and pulled against the mooring lines. Across the harbor next to the _Contessa_ , the mutter of the _Blackjack_ 's engines sounded quietly as it warmed up for the midnight run. Nick leaned on the rail, bracing himself with both hands as he looked blindly out into the night. The frustration welled up in him and his knuckles whitened as he clenched the rail. _You've gotta be all right, damn it, you have to be. Why didn't I help? Cody, I'm sorry. God, where are you?_

***

  


_Getting kind of lonely out here,_ Cody thought.   


He began to feel a slight amount of fear. _It's the middle of a storm, I'm out here with no gear in a very small boat, and this is one hell of a big ocean._

"Nick, where the hell are you?" he muttered through chattering teeth.

***

  


The rain that soaked Nick cooled as the constant wind blew against him and soon he began to feel the cold. There was nothing to see in the darkness, no hopeful signs in the harbor night sounds, but their very timelessness and indifference soothed his ragged nerves. There was no way to fight the elements and once he had absorbed enough of the feeling of the storm to realize that, he found himself calmer. They would have to do what they could with what they had and hope that it would be enough.   


He took a few final deep breaths of the damp salty air and turned back inside. Leaving a trail of wet spots on the carpet he headed down to dry off and change.   


Rummaging in the drawer without paying much attention to what he was doing, Nick picked out a shirt at random and pulled it on. It wasn't until he was half-way to the forward stateroom to check with Murray that he looked down and recognized what he was wearing. 

Cody had had it specially printed at the shop on the pier for Nick last Christmas. Upside-down to the rest of the world, it was a variation on the checklist shirts made for weekend pilots. Instead of the normal procedures for starting a plane, he had only to look at his own chest to see Cody's version of a helicopter start-up. 

  


> Screaming Mimi Pre-Fright Check List  
> 1\. Make sure rotors are attached.  
> 2\. Check that controls are connected.  
> 3\. See if radio works.  
> 4\. Say pilot's prayer.  
> 5\. Whap overhead switches.  
> 6\. Buy new helicopter.

  


_And I'd give anything if I could do all that and use her to find him._   


He reentered Murray's room. "Any luck?"   


"Nothing yet," Boz said, intent on the screen.   


Nick sat down, looking at the incomprehensible code Murray was furiously typing. _It's geek to me..._ Inactivity began wearing on his nerves again, and he reminisced quietly to himself. "I remember I always used to tease Cody he shoulda joined the Navy instead of the Army, 'cause he always loved the sea so much. Always said he wanted to live on a boat someday. I remember those rainy nights in Nam -made this look like nothin' - we'd sit around and talk about what we were gonna do later. And I asked him one time, was he gonna live on this boat all by himself? And he said, 'Of course not. You can swab the decks.'" He smiled a bit sadly. "We spent the whole next week going 'Arrr, Matey,' at each other, drove the rest of the guys in the unit nuts. Never figured we'd make it this far for real." He fell silent for a moment, then said fiercely, "It's not fair!"   


"What's not fair?" Murray looked up, only having heard the last few words.   


"Oh, just the whole idea that a man who loves the ocean as much as Cody always has should..." his voice trailed off as he realized what he had been about to say. _Die? I can't have given up on him already!_ "Well, should be out there in danger by the one thing he always wanted, that's what. It ain't right, that's all."   


"Nick, I was just thinking, maybe he didn't leave the island at all," Murray said. "If the weather started getting bad before he left, he wouldn't have tried to get back in the _Ebbtide_. He could still be at the bay, right?"   


"Hmm? Nah, I don't think so. He had most of the work done, seemed to me it would run OK, and if he was willing to bet us dinner he had to be pretty confident of being able to pull out of there in under half an hour from the time we left. Probably less than that. With the whole ocean to search, how much of a chance do we have?"   


"Actually, we can narrow it down quite a bit. If we assume he left at some time between our own departure and the time the storm really began moving in, then whatever happened to the boat had to occur before he reached the point where the longshore current would have brought him in without any power. I accessed the satellite covering the coast for the wind direction and strength and the coast studies group for the currents." Busily tapping keys as he spoke, he paused and watched a map with a series of offset tangential circles begin forming on the graphics terminal. "Knowing approximately where he was within a certain window of time this afternoon, it's possible to project the area he will be in at any time following that."   


Nick stared at the map Murray's program had produced, wondering if he had interpreted what he heard correctly. "You mean you can tell where he is, right now, with that?"   


"Within the limits of the accuracy of the data, yes. It's not so much an exact location as a narrowed area of probability." Murray leaned back and yawned widely, stretching his arms out and cracking his knuckles.   


Clapping him on the back, Nick smiled for the first time that night. "Murray, that's great! As soon as it gets calm enough to move, we head for wherever this thing says he is and pick him up. Get some rest, you look wiped out."   


"OK, Nick, but you ought to take a nap too, it's going to be a couple hours yet before the main part of the front passes here." Yawning again, Boz levered himself to his feet and, staggering slightly, headed for his bed. Watching him go, Nick smiled again and shook his head, marveling at the twist of luck that had brought Murray to join the agency. 

Sleep was impossible for Nick, though he did lay down for a while. The normally calming sounds of the wind and patter of rain brought none of the security that being sheltered from them usually induced. Instead, they only reminded him of what Cody was being subjected to. Before long, Nick was back up and puttering about trying to occupy himself until the storm died down. He progressed from straightening rooms to other housekeeping chores, and eventually found himself reduced to scrubbing out the coffeepot to pass the time. 

***

  


It was cold and dark, the small boat invisible from only a few feet away as it tossed on the waves and spun aimlessly in the currents. The wind whistled as it brushed past the chrome trim, and inside a couple inches of chill sea water sloshed with the incessant rocking. Cody lay curled up, eyes closed. He had progressed from violent shivering to a calm numbness and his mind struggled weakly through a chain of disjointed thoughts. _Feels a lot better now. I'm not cold any more. Think I'll just go to sleep. Nick will be along sooner or later, I'll just wait, then we can go to dinner. No sense trying to stay awake all night. Yeah, I'll just take a little nap..._

Part of his brain tried to remember why that was wrong, but he was too far gone to care. He drifted slowly into unconsciousness as his temperature continued to drop.

***

  


It was still over an hour til dawn, but the wind had been steadily losing force and the rain had stopped entirely. The storm front had been more of a squall; fierce, moving quickly and of short duration. The small craft warnings were still in effect, but it looked like the _Riptide_ could handle the improving conditions.   


"Come on, Murray, we're heading out!" Nick called down the stairs, waiting for Murray to join him. "If we leave now, we can be close to where he ought to be when the sun comes up. Let's move it."   


"Aren't we going to take the _Mimi_? It would be a lot easier to spot him from the air," Murray asked as he came up the stairs, "or can't she handle the weather yet?"   


"Of course the _Mimi_ can fly in this, what, you call this weather? I was just thinking that once we found him we'd have to get him lifted into the chopper, and then leave the _Ebbtide_ behind. He might not be so thrilled when he finds out we left his precious boat floating around loose, even if it was the only way to save his life. You know how unreasonable he is about that thing."   


"Yes, that's true, I've noticed he likes his boat almost as much as you like your helicopter." Murray's expression was a study in innocent thoughtfulness that didn't fool Nick at all.   


They left the harbor and headed for the position Murray had calculated as most probable for the _Ebbtide_. As they neared that area Nick let Murray guide the boat while he took to searching the dark water visually. He knew it would be virtually impossible to see an object as small as Cody's boat while it was still night, but that didn't deter him.   


As the sun came up Nick picked up the binoculars and scanned the horizon for the millionth time. The pale dawn light was deceiving and the sun glinted off the tops of the swells erratically, but one flash seemed to stay in the same position and he focused on it. There was something there, and his grip tightened anxiously as he tried by sheer will power alone to force the image to define itself faster. One final reflection sparkled aimlessly, then the low sleek familiar shape was plainly visible.   


"Murray!" he yelled. "I see it! A little to starboard!"   


The _Riptide_ quickly closed the distance to the _Ebbtide_ and Nick could hardly contain his impatience at the slow approach necessary to avoid swamping the speedboat. Grabbing a line, he jumped down into the smaller boat, landing in six inches of cold water. Cody was lying curled up in the water under the dash, looking very pale and not moving at all, not appearing to breathe. Pausing only long enough to loop the rope around a cleat Nick knelt next to Cody and picked up his wrist. He couldn't find a pulse.   


"Oh God, oh no, Cody, don't..." Nick's voice broke and his head dropped in momentary defeat. He reached up to Cody's throat, breathing a silent prayer as he probed under the jawline for the carotid. There was a faint pulse, so weak that he was not immediately positive it was there at all. "Cody, please, don't do this to me," he begged his motionless friend for some sign of life, alarmed at how cold his skin felt.   


In desperation he rolled Cody over, lifted him partly out of the water and put an ear to his chest. He closed his eyes and held his breath, shutting out everything around him as he listened for a heartbeat. It was there, slow and faint, but definitely there. "Thank God," he sighed, shaking slightly with relief.   


Looking up he saw Murray leaning over the rail almost frantic with worry and called, "It's OK, he's alive!" He bent down again and tried to pull Cody upright, but his body was rigid, muscles locked in the fetal curl he had assumed last. Nick had to lift him still curled up and without Murray's help it would have been nearly impossible to get him onto the _Riptide_ 's fantail.   


Pausing to shift his hold on Cody, he threw directions at the Boz over his shoulder. "Get us turned around back to King Harbor and call ahead and have an ambulance waiting. Then come down and give me a hand running him through the shower."   


"OK, Nick, I'll be right down." Boz went back up while Nick carried Cody downstairs. It was a bit difficult maneuvering down the companionway and once he had gotten the uncooperative form pushed into the minuscule shower Nick straightened with a slight groan, stretching out the kink in his back.   


"You gotta lose some weight, pal," he muttered, blocking the flow of water with one hand as he adjusted it to lukewarm. Letting the warm water run over Cody, he stepped back and started to peel out of his own cold, soaked clothes.   


Poking his head out the door he almost ran into Murray, and handing his dripping clothes to him, said, "Stash these, then bring in some spare towels. And pile every blanket you can find on his bunk."   


"Isn't it kind of dangerous to warm him up too quickly? I did a study once on heat transfer and if his circulation returns too quickly, the shock could stop his heart."   


"I know that, but if we don't do anything he'll keep going deeper into that coma and die. We have to start slowly, but we have to start. Oh, and check the main salon too, I think I left an afghan up there earlier."   


The warm water finally penetrated Cody's numbness, bringing him back to a semi-conscious state. He cried out from the pain of returning circulation. Every water droplet stung like fire on his exposed skin and as he moved slightly the agony spread until his whole body felt as if he were being burned alive.   


"Hurts," he whimpered, trying to curl tighter to escape the pain.   


"Come on, buddy, I know you can take it," Nick said, kneeling next to him. He reached over and gently pulled Cody's arms apart, slowly forcing him to uncurl.   


"Hurts," Cody reiterated hopelessly. "Nick? Please?" When there was no answer he tried struggling away from Nick, but he was far too weak and the effort quickly exhausted him.   


Nick's own hands had gotten chilled outside and he had an empathic realization of what Cody was going through. When Cody quit struggling and just leaned against him, crying slow tears of pain and whimpering softly, he could only hold him silently, unable to trust his voice to carry any reassurance without cracking.   


The _Riptide_ 's supply of hot water eventually ran out and as the temperature dropped, Nick reached up and shut off the water. As he stepped out of the shower supporting the half-awake Cody, Boz draped a dry towel over Nick and then helped to wrestle off Cody's soggy clothes.   


As they dried him, Cody watched from dulled eyes, drifting in and out of awareness. Suddenly he began to shiver violently, trying once again to curl into a ball.   


Lifting him from both sides, they carried him back into the rear stateroom. Worriedly, Murray asked, "Why is he shivering? I thought you got him warmed up enough in there?"   


"No, that was enough to get him conscious again, but his temperature's still below normal. We've gotta keep adding heat now or he'll just drop back again." They got Cody over to his bunk and under the pile of blankets.   


"But how are we gonna do that if we're out of hot water?" Boz asked, concerned. "It's at least a couple hours back to the dock, probably more with the weather and towing the _Ebbtide_."   


"Well, there's only one way I know of," Nick replied, handing the towel he had been running over his hair to Murray. He lifted the covers and slid in next to Cody. Pulling the blankets back over them both, Nick curled himself around Cody's back and wrapped his arms around him.   


Laying his cheek against the back of Cody's neck, he wondered if mere shared body heat would really be enough. Despite his confident air he was still very worried and unsure of Cody's chances. They hadn't been able to do anything for his severe exposure and dehydration, and those might have been sufficient to weaken him too far for just warmth to keep him alive.   


"I'll go, uh... steer the boat." Murray turned and left. Cody's condition bothered him more than he wanted to admit to Nick, who was obviously already deeply concerned. Though he seemed to accept Nick's reassurances, Murray was not fooled into believing everything was all right now. He could sense the deeper undercurrents of fear his friend was trying so hard to control. Shaking his head he headed for the bridge, trying to think of something he could do to help.   


"Yeah. Get as much speed as you can out of it!" Nick called after him, then settled back, holding on a little tighter as Cody shivered again.   


The shivering bouts came closer together and soon he was shaking continuously. Nick pulled him closer, trying to maximize the warming effect by folding himself over as much of Cody's surface as possible. Cody did not respond to the change in surroundings; lost in a light stupor, he acted as if he were still outside. He made a few incoherent sounds and then started to ramble in a hoarse voice.   


"Nick? I'm cold, so c-cold. Where are you? Nick?"   


"Shh, I'm right here, I've got you, it's OK." Murmuring soothing words, Nick felt the helplessness rising again when nothing he said brought any change. He tried softly kneading the tensed muscles across Cody's back and shoulders, but it didn't make any difference and he went back to just holding on. Cody continued to call for him, his teeth chattering as he shivered, then sighed deeply and was quiet again.   


Murray walked in carrying an armful of assorted computer-type things with power cords and connectors still dangling from some of them. He set them down on the foot of the bed and left again, returning quickly with another batch.   


"What's all this stuff?" Nick asked, eyeing the pile at his feet curiously.   


"Well, this is a modem, these are disk drives, and I've got a couple power converters..."   


"Yeah, right, but what'd you bring them in here for?"   


"They've been running all night, and these little babies get pretty hot, I can tell you," he said, arranging them around the side of Cody that Nick couldn't cover. "They should help warm him up. And I found this space blanket in the emergency supplies, under a flashlight with dead batteries and some really old-looking candy bars. You know, you guys ought to update those things..."   


"Murray!"   


"Right. If you need anything, just yell, I'll be upstairs." He tucked the blanket around them and left.   


The additional heat from Murray's contribution was enough to bring Cody's temperature to the point that he slowly stopped shivering and lay quietly for a while. After a few minutes Nick thought he had fallen asleep, but then he moved, turning over to face him. He snuggled into Nick's chest, entangling his legs with Nick's and sighing contentedly at finding something - anything - warm.   


Exhaustion, relief, and a degree of continuing fear mingled in Nick's mind, stirring up a chain of barely coherent thoughts. It had been so close this time, and he suddenly found himself considering what losing his friend would mean. He shook slightly as it sank in just how nearly he had. Though he was generally an outgoing and fairly demonstrative sort, he had never put his feelings for Cody into words. There had never been any need to, all the affection they had was traded back and forth in bantered insults rather than compliments. It was as if they had an unspoken agreement not to admit they cared about each other.   


And if Cody died? All he would take with him was the assumption that Nick was his friend, and Nick began to feel that was no longer good enough. He had realized how he would feel if that happened, how the unsaid words would plague his memory with regrets of things he had waited too long to do.   


_Who can count on tomorrow? What if we hadn't found him in time? It was more by luck than anything else and we can't count on that to keep us alive forever. And if next time, or the time after that, I'm not there? What good is my tough image when he's gone and it's too late to say goodbye? I don't want to stand by his grave and wonder if he knew how I felt._   


"We've been friends for a long time, you know," he started at random, speaking to soothe Cody's occasional remaining nervous shivers as well as to try and sort out his own feelings. "Remember that time near Duc Huay when we were on recon and we got shot down and you got hit? I had to go for help and Pit Bull was the only one who would go back for you. God, I hated to leave you there. I practically ran the whole way, nearly got myself killed racing down those booby trapped trails. And when we got back to you, all you said was, 'So what took you so long?'" Smiling reminiscently, he finished, "And all I could come up with was, 'I stopped for a pizza, of course.'"   


That was how they had always been, joking their way past the pain, trusting each other without question, never stopping to wonder why it was so natural to rely on the other being there. It occurred to Nick that he couldn't conceive of a problem he wouldn't share with Cody, or one that he wouldn't do everything he was capable of to help Cody out of. So why was it so hard to tell him just that?   


"It's just that all this time, all these years we've been living and working together, sharing damn near everything, I never told you how much it means to me to have a friend like you. I couldn't make it without you, Cody." He paused, not sure if he could go on without openly telling Cody that he loved him. Though the feeling was strong, the words came hard. Before he could continue, however, Cody stirred.   


He hadn't been completely unconscious and the sense of Nick's speech had sunk in slowly. It sounded like Nick was trying to say goodbye, and that meant he didn't think he was going to have another chance. With a sudden clarity, Cody knew why, and as he spoke his eyes were clear and his voice lucid.   


"I'm going to die, aren't I?" It was more a statement of accepted fact than a question.   


"No, you can't, I won't let you, you're the best friend I got in the whole world, don't you know that?" Nick's voice took on a sibilance as he tried to keep himself from breaking down. Afraid that if he let go, it would only convince Cody that he was indeed going to die, he squeezed his eyes shut, denying the sob that rose in his throat. It was a wasted effort. The tears started to slip from his eyes and he pulled Cody's head to his chest, rocking back and forth as if comforting a child.   


"I didn't want to die alone, Nick," Cody's words were muffled. His arms had been crossed between them and now he unfolded, sliding them around Nick and holding on with what little strength he had. "I was so afraid you wouldn't find me, I was so cold..." He choked and began to sob, shaking against Nick, clinging to him desperately.   


It was the first time he had ever seen Cody cry, and Nick was not prepared for it. Acting more from the instincts he had as a human being than any rational thought process he continued to rock, holding Cody tightly and gently smoothing his hair. He could hardly form words around the lump in his throat and found it impossible to say anything more than "shush" until he managed to stop crying himself. Finally able to speak coherently again he tried to coax Cody out of his fear with reassuring phrases, but they didn't work any better this time than they had before. _Say what you mean, but he obviously isn't going to buy what you don't believe yourself._   


"Do you think I'd leave you out there alone when there was any way at all to get to you? Don't you know I'd do anything I could for you, no matter what it cost me?" He rested his chin on Cody's head. "I mean it, man, no matter what."   


That seemed to reach Cody, and the violence of his outburst abated slowly. After a few false starts he whispered, "I kept thinking... it wouldn't be so bad to freeze to death, if I could be with you, and I kept wishing you were there."   


Trying hard to cheer him up, Nick replied lightly, "Hey, any time you want to, just let me know, I'll be there. There's an extra charge for search and rescue operations, though."   


Cody actually managed to laugh slightly at that. Though his mood had changed, he showed no inclination to let go of Nick. "A heat source is a heat source" was his current outlook, and the fact that it was also his best friend appeared to be of no significance. Eyes shut, he remained nestled against Nick, smiling faintly at the exaggerated tale of woe Nick related regarding the troubles they had gone through to locate him. Relaxing to the soft rise and fall of the familiar voice and the steady, almost imperceptible beating of Nick's heart next to his ear, he gradually drifted back to sleep.   


Slowing his recitation as Cody's breathing evened into the rhythms of a peaceful doze, Nick trailed off into a thoughtful silence. _Was it worth it? Should I have said so much?_ He glanced down at Cody's face, where a trace of smile still lingered, making him look quietly happy. _I had to say it sometime. I'm just glad he could hear me when I did._

With a slight smile of his own, Nick shifted position so that his arm wouldn't go to sleep and, still curled around Cody, was soon napping as well.

***

  


A few miles out of the harbor Murray went below to check on Cody's condition. He found them both asleep, still snuggled together. At least Cody wasn't shivering any longer, which had to be an improvement. For the first time that night Nick looked at peace with the world, and Murray hated to disturb him. Touching his shoulder gently was enough to wake him and after telling him they were nearing port he left, walking softly so as not to rouse Cody as well.   


Murray docked the _Riptide_ , the paramedics catching the lines he threw to them to tie it with. They followed him down to the rear stateroom and soon had a temporary IV going, then loaded Cody onto a stretcher and carried him out to the ambulance.   


Tucking in his shirt, Nick followed them out. He and Murray jumped into the Vette, Nick racing the engine impatiently while he waited for the ambulance to maneuver its way out. They followed the ambulance as closely as they dared until both vehicles reached the emergency room entrance. Nick would have gladly left the car there, but Murray convinced him to park somewhere other than in a tow-away zone.   


There followed a seemingly interminable barrage of questions which Nick and Murray did their best to answer, signing papers without really bothering to read them. Finally the paperwork was taken care of and they settled in for an indeterminate wait.   


"He's going to be all right," Murray said, trying to calm a pacing Nick.   


"Yeah, I know, but I hate waiting around like this. They never tell you anything of what's going on, and there's nothing to do... I mean, look at this," he said, gesturing to the tired-looking vinyl-covered chairs, the worn and faded carpet, and the fake wood tables covered with three-year-old magazines. He sat down, trying to be still, and engaged in some desultory conversation with Murray - at least until recent events caught up with Boz, who soon dozed off. Nick smiled at him, then stared at the ceiling, not thinking much of anything for a long time.   


"Someone here for Cody Allen?" the nurse inquired.   


"Yo." He bounced to his feet and crossed quickly to the desk asking, "How is he? When can we see him?"   


"Your friend is going to be all right, but he's only allowed one visitor at a time for now. Room 5858."   


He looked back at Murray, still sound asleep in the chair, and decided not to wake him until he'd been in to see Cody first.   


"Right, well, if my friend over there," pointing to the now softly snoring Boz, "wakes up before I come back, tell him where I am, OK?" 

The nurse looked unimpressed at being recruited as a message center, but nodded acquiescence.

***

  


Cody was resting with his eyes closed when Nick entered the room. Thinking he was sleeping, he padded to the side of the bed and stood next to it for a moment. Though he was still pale, Cody looked better than before. _'Course that wouldn't take much doing,_ Nick thought to himself a bit ruefully. The cut on Cody's forehead had been bandaged, but a bruise along his jaw was purpling up and promised to become Technicolor later.   


Satisfied for himself that his friend was indeed going to recover, he finally allowed the accumulated fatigue of the past twenty-four hours to wash through him. It had been a long exhausting night, physically and emotionally, and now he wanted nothing more than several hours of uninterrupted sleep.   


On an impulse he reached over and gently adjusted the blanket over Cody's chest before he turned to leave. His touch was light, but it was enough to rouse Cody from his incipient doze.   


"Nick?" he asked blearily, "That you?"   


"Yeah. Hey, I'm sorry, didn't mean to wake you up." He walked back to the bedside. "How're you feeling?"   


Cody paused as if considering the question in depth, then smiled weakly and whispered, "Alive. Better than I expected." He paused for a second, laughed slightly. "All that and I couldn't even break my nose."   


Nick smiled in relief. "Sorry 'bout that. I knew you'd make it all along," he confided. He laid one hand on Cody's shoulder and added, "I'm wiped out, gonna go home and get some rest. You take it easy here, OK?"   


"Nick, wait," Cody caught Nick's hand as he withdrew and held him back. "Stay, please. I could use a little company right now." He saw the tired slump of Nick's back and mistook it for reluctance. Clearing his throat, he cast about for words, not quite knowing how to phrase his request. "Please, I'm... I... need you to stay." He closed his eyes and released Nick's hand, willing to allow him to go, plainly wishing he wouldn't.   


It surprised Nick to see his friend so openly asking for reassurance. The last time Cody had been in the hospital, injured much more severely from a car accident, he had refused to get overly demonstrative about his condition or the disagreement they'd had just prior to the accident. Though Nick had taken his hand then, it had been on his own initiative, not because of anything Cody had said. _Maybe he's finally opening up a little, losing some of that reserve I've always kidded him about. Sorry he had to go through something like this to change, but I'm glad he's finally letting go._   


Leaving Cody's side only long enough to drag a chair over by the bed, Nick sat down next to him and took Cody's hand in both of his, meshing their fingers together. Swallowing past the lump in his throat, knowing that it was only because he was so tired that his eyes had filled so rapidly, he said, "I won't leave you, pal. Count on that." 

The faint answering pressure on his hand was all the thanks required. Nick lay his head down along his forearm on the bed and was soon fast asleep.

***

  


Murray awoke with a start and looked around the waiting room for Nick. Rubbing his eyes, he yawned, then levered himself out of the chair and wove over to the desk.   


The nurse glanced at him briefly, reluctantly dragging her attention away from a dog-eared copy of Love's Savage Fury, and said, "Your friend is in visiting Mr. Allen, room 5858, only one visitor at a time."   


"Uh, thanks." When she paid him no more attention, he sidled past her and headed down the hall to Cody's room. Guessing that by this time Cody must be sleeping, he opened the door quietly and peered around the corner. 

Seeing both his friends soundly out of it he smiled, knowing Cody was definitely on the road to recovery. It didn't take him very long to scribble a note telling Nick he'd gone back to the _Riptide_ and that he'd be back at the end of the day to pick him up. He left it on the bed near Nick's elbow and sneaked back out past the oblivious nurse.

***

  


That evening when he returned, Nick was still in Cody's room sleeping in the chair next to him, leaning on the bed with one arm flung over Cody's waist. Hating to wake him up, but having been warned by the nurse on duty that all visitors would be summarily ejected in another ten minutes, he gently shook Nick awake.   


"Whaa?" he mumbled, raising himself stiffly and stretching.   


"Shh," Murray hissed, pointing at the still-unconscious Cody. He led Nick out of the room, and once they were in the elevator asked, "How's he doing?"   


"Pretty good, considering. Did you find out when he's going to be released?"   


"Tomorrow afternoon, they said. Something about keeping him under observation for a while. Where do you want to go now, back to the boat?"   


Nick yawned, stretched again, and said as he started up the Jimmy, "Yeah, why not. I'd like to take a look at the _Ebbtide_ and see what happened. There's a couple all-night parts stores near the harbor and it might be a nice surprise if we got it running before he got back."   


It took the two of them about half the night to locate and solve the _Ebbtide_ 's problem. An undetected crack in the battery had drained it, and after replacing it and the adjoining parts that had been damaged by the leaking acid, there seemed to be nothing else wrong with the boat.   


They got up late the next morning and barely had time to eat before it was time to go pick Cody up. When they got to his room he was dressed and ready to go, but greeted them casually, brushing off their inquiries about his condition with disparaging remarks about the weather, the state of hospital food, and the lack of pretty nurses. The drive back to the dock was quiet and much less congenial than usual.   


Murray was confused by the atmosphere between Nick and Cody. Seeing them together yesterday, he had thought them the best of friends, unafraid of expressing the care each had for the other. But now Cody was acting as if they were only the slightest of acquaintances, and after his concern had been rebuffed Nick had reluctantly begun to reciprocate the part.   


When they reached the dock Cody headed for the _Ebbtide_ first. As he approached it, his gait slowed, until he seemed to be forcing himself to get closer to it.   


"Did you guys figure out what was wrong with it?" He turned back toward them, but still avoided meeting their eyes.   


"Yes, Nick fixed it last night," Murray said. "Didn't you, Nick?" Trying to draw the two of them into conversation with each other was like pulling teeth, but he hoped it would help cure whatever was bothering Cody.   


"Yeah." Nick walked over to where Cody was standing, determined to make another try at normalizing the situation. "It was the battery, we replaced it and a few other things, and it runs fine now. Sloppy of you to miss that; next time you'd better let me check things over when you're done."   


He'd meant it in a joking way, but Cody's eyes glinted rebelliously and he demanded, "Just what is that supposed to mean? You think I don't know what I'm doing?"   


"No, that is not what I meant. Lighten up, will ya? Come on, let's go inside and have a beer or something."   


"Not just yet." He stared out past the breakwater at the open ocean for a minute. The waves were still running higher than usual and sparkled with the reflected light that indicated a choppy surface. A slight shiver shook him, then he said firmly, "I'm going to take it for a test run."   


"Wait a minute, you almost got killed out there in that boat, you're just back from the hospital, and you can't give it one day before you've got to go out and try to do it all over again?"   


"I'm fine already, have you got the key?"   


Nick sighed and draped both arms over Cody's collarbones, lacing his hands behind Cody's neck. Earnestly he asked, "Are you sure? The sea's still rough, and I haven't had a chance to replace the emergency supplies yet."   


For a moment Cody wavered, then all his old barriers snapped into place and he tensed angrily. Raising both hands he knocked Nick's arms from his shoulders and said icily, "I don't need you to hold my hand. Give me the key."   


The look of utter surprise on Nick's face changed quickly into one of shocked hurt. He looked aside, catching his breath with a hiss through jaws clenched to maintain a degree of composure. When he spoke again his tone was harsh, almost savage.   


"All right, take your damn key." He threw it at Cody's feet. "And try not to get lost this time." He whirled away and stomped back to the _Riptide_ without a backward glance.   


Murray watched the exchange from a slight distance, his confusion growing. When Nick brushed past him he followed, though he had seen the fleeting look of regret that had passed over Cody's face before he bent to pick up the key. The sound of the _Ebbtide's_ engine roaring away was an appropriate echo to the tone of the whole afternoon.   


"Why did you let him go?" Murray asked. "You could have gone along, at least."   


"Hmmm?" Already preoccupied with gloomy thoughts involving the ending of friendships, Nick did not feel like trying to explain the complex collection of motives that were driving Cody to prove himself. He wasn't all that certain he understood them anyway; he had obviously been deeply mistaken in his earlier belief that he had finally convinced Cody to open up. "Well, Murray, you know there's just some things a guy has to work out for himself."   


With a pseudo-John Wayne twang, Murray said, "You mean, a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do?" 

That stopped Nick in his tracks, and he turned to smile at the Boz. "Yeah, something like that." The smile faded. "I'll be downstairs reading. Call me if he doesn't get back before dark."

***

  


As he left the harbor behind, Cody's irritation faded, replaced with a growing sensation he wasn't very familiar with. It was fear, a feeling of insecurity he didn't like, and as the speedboat bounced along the uneven surface of the ocean, he tried to figure out just what it was that he was afraid of.   


He turned off the engine and floated for a few minutes. That was when it hit him.   


_The sea. That's it.  
_

That's ridiculous, I've never been afraid of water in my whole life. I like the ocean.   


And it just tried to kill me.   


Like hell it did. It can't "try" to do anything. I just screwed up is all, didn't follow the rules and it almost cost me. My own fault. Stupidity, not the sea.   


Yeah, but I made it anyway. Beat old Neptune on his own territory.   


"Hey, you hear that? I'm still here!" he yelled. Laughing aloud, he started the engine again, enjoying the feel of the wind in his hair as the _Ebbtide_ skipped over the waves at full throttle. Swerving in wide curves, he threw broad sheets of water to the sides that sparkled in the lowering sunlight, the wake a trailing white snake behind him that settled slowly back into the blue surface.   


The feeling of elation was short-lived, and even as he admired the beauty of the afternoon and reveled in the feeling of speed, he could sense an underlying uneasiness that still teased at the edges of his mind. Slowing down, he frowned, trying to isolate the source of his continuing unease, and with a last defiant swing of the rudder, allowed the _Ebbtide_ to coast to a stop again.   


_OK, so much for that, so how come I still feel like I blew it?_ Reviewing the events of the last day brought one thing into clear focus. He was alive only through the efforts of his friends, and he had yet to really thank them for it. Worse yet, he remembered the expression on Nick's face as he had left, and winced as he recalled their last exchange.   


_Nick. After what he did to find me, and what I said in the hospital, and the way I've been treating him all day, no wonder I feel like I blew it. I did. It would have been so much easier if I hadn't said anything to start with.  
_

And spend the rest of your life running from closeness?   


It's safer.   


It's lonely. I think an apology is in order. 

He turned the boat around and headed back toward the harbor.

***

Nick had only turned on one of the low reading lights and with the blinds drawn, the room was dark, full of shadows that matched the ones filling his mind. The radio was on, quietly humming to itself.

  


> Oh why, can't believe that I would ever  
> Talk myself out of tomorrow  
> Talked like a fool to yesterday  
> And as the evening loses colour
> 
> Your love began to fade away
> 
>   
> Talking out of turn  
> Shot to pieces, when will I learn  
> Talking out of turn
> 
> Shot to pieces, when will I learn
> 
>   
> Talking out of turn
> 
> Talking out of turn
> 
>   
> If I upset you  
> I didn't mean to hurt you  
> I didn't mean to make you cry  
> I don't need an alibi
> 
> To start me talking out of turn 

  


_That's me, opening my mouth and wrecking everything._ Nick snapped the radio off and sat back in the dim corner, wondering if maybe he shouldn't be packing his stuff and looking for a new place to live. Cody had recovered not only his health, but those personal barriers which had dropped briefly during his ordeal. Now he couldn't stand to be around the one who had seen him in that state - and, perhaps, the one he saw as having caused that show of weakness.   


_Why couldn't I have kept quiet?_ he wondered sadly. _If I hadn't said anything, he never would have gotten so upset. I didn't have to go and pour my heart out when I knew he was going to be all right. Though it was kind of touch-and-go for a while there,_ he tried rationalizing to himself. It didn't do any good. There was no one to blame for what had happened but him, and he knew it all too well.   


Sunk in remorse and regret, he scarcely noted the passing time, except that as it got later, he felt worse. Lying there staring at the beams overhead without seeing them, he went over and over the events of the other night, each time more convinced that had he only kept some control on his volatile emotions everything would have worked out better. 

_Always so fast to let the whole world know what I feel, and take a look at what it's gotten me this time. Guess Cody was right all along, when you go spouting off feelings you only make things worse. Hell of a way to learn, losing the best friend I ever had._ That train of thought ran endless circles through his mind, always leading him back to the conclusion that he had really blown it this time, but good. 

***

  


Cody tied the _Ebbtide_ 's lines and walked to the _Riptide_ , whistling with sheer exuberance. Eager to mend the rift with Nick he headed directly for their room when he found nobody in the main salon upstairs. The dim light when he opened the door at first led him to think Nick was napping, but then he saw the glitter of unshed tears in Nick's open eyes.   


_It has to be because of what I said. How can I tell him I didn't mean it without starting an argument?_ Acting as if he hadn't noticed how depressed Nick was, he leaned against the doorframe and said, "It runs great! I guess I'll have to let you do all my maintenance work from now on after all." His tone sounded falsely cheerful even to himself and Nick did not rise to the bait with his normal sarcasm. Glancing about for something to break the awkward silence with, Cody spotted the pile of computer peripherals still laying on his bunk. "What's all this stuff here for?" he asked, "Murray run out of space to store his toys in his own room?"   


Without sitting up, Nick called, "Hey, Murray, come get your junk, Cody doesn't need it any more."   


"'Need it'?" Cody repeated as Boz came in through the door.   


Nick did not look inclined to explain, so Murray said as he started collecting pieces, "Yeah, these were the warmest things on board, and you were still so cold even after we ran out of hot water so I brought them over." He was trying to pick up the last piece, but with his arms already full, as soon as he had a grip on it one of the disk drives slid off the top of the collection and bounced back on the bed.   


"Here." Cody picked it up for him, turning it over curiously as he placed it carefully back where it had fallen from. Holding it until Murray braced it with his chin, he noticed a disk still in it. "I thought these things erased themselves when you pulled the plug. Isn't that part of your project on satellites there?"   


"Well, yes, but you were still in danger and your life was more important than a little data loss." Barely managing not to drop anything else he staggered out carrying the whole load, not noticing the abashed look his last reply left on Cody's face.   


The exchange had caught Nick's attention, however, and as Cody turned toward him he tried hard not to let the reproach he felt show in his expression.   


At a loss for words, Cody waved a hand after the Boz and shook his head bemusedly. Turning serious, he began haltingly, "Nick, I didn't mean..."   


"It's OK, you don't have to say anything."   


"Yes, I do." He stopped and looked aside as if searching for inspiration. "I'm not too good at this."   


"No, it's OK, really." Nick stood, as if preparing to flee. Though he wanted to believe that things might work out right after all he was still deeply hurt by the rejection on the dock. Rather than open himself again, risking another similar incident and quite probably bringing on the unpleasant consequences he had been brooding over most of the afternoon, he was willing to take the slightest of apologies and try to forget the whole thing.   


"No, it's not. It's just... I never had a friend like you, I guess I don't know what to do, even after all these years. It's a little scary." He stared at the floor intently for a moment, swallowed hard, then looked up into Nick's eyes.   


_What can I do?_ Nick asked himself almost desperately. _I can't push him into accepting something he's not comfortable with, and I can't reject his attempt at reconciling himself to it. Was I ever right to try and change the way he is?  
_

But I can't change how I feel.   


No, it's up to him, I've done what's right for me, and whatever happens, that's all I could have done.   


Hesitantly Cody reached over and put one hand on Nick's shoulder.   


Surprised, Nick couldn't stop the flood of hope that gesture evoked from showing plainly. Not sure of what to expect, he waited for a sign from Cody, wondering if the pounding of his heart could be heard across the space between them.   


Tentatively Cody raised his other hand and slowly, shyly, drew Nick into a timid hug. It had been obvious how his angry reaction earlier had ripped Nick up and he did not know how easy Nick might find it to forgive his unthinking cruelty.   


Nick could feel the tension in Cody holding him back. Though he wanted to wrap his arms around Cody and hug him fiercely he knew he couldn't without frightening him, so he returned the embrace with a reserve that felt slightly unnatural. He knew that if Cody could not successfully break past the years of habitual distance their friendship might end. Faced with an embarrassment neither could get past, the easy-going companionship they had shared for so long would be irretrievably lost.   


At that realization, Nick relaxed, losing a tautness he hadn't consciously felt in himself until then. He stood holding Cody with all the affection and reassurance he felt flowing wordlessly, savoring the moment as if it was the last time he might ever touch his friend.   


Cody sensed the change, and the acceptance projected by Nick reminded him forcibly of the last time he had been in those same arms. There had been nothing wrong in that; in fact, what he remembered of that night and the day in the hospital afterward had felt eminently right.   


_It's OK,_ he reminded himself. _More than that, it's one of the best things going, and I'm not going to lose this one because I can't let go of some in-bred unreasonable macho fear. He's my friend, damn it!_   


He relaxed himself, sinking into the sensation of being needed. It became a warm, unrestrained hug that dissolved away all the tensions between them, the harsh words and hurt feelings forgiven for friendship's sake. The relief was so wonderful that neither wanted to end the moment. After a long quiet period of reveling in what had so nearly been destroyed, they let go, standing back to eye each other like old friends who met again after years of separation. Neither spoke immediately, as if afraid sound would break the spell of understanding between them.   


"Welcome home," Nick said, his voice slightly husky.   


Cody smiled at him, his own eyes suspiciously damp. "Thanks, buddy. For everything."   


Murray came back in and felt the difference in the air immediately. The anger between Nick and Cody was gone, the familiar ease back again, stronger than ever. He brightened at that and announced as if nothing had happened, "Hey, guys, I'm hungry. When are we going to eat?"   


"That's right, somebody here owes us a lobster dinner," Nick grinned pointedly at Cody, who dropped his head and shook it in mock dismay at the callous mercenary inclinations of his boon companions. 

He couldn't keep a straight face for long though, and laughing, threw an arm around each of them as they headed for the door.   


  


> I always thought you were the best  
> I guess I always will  
> I always felt that we were blessed  
> And I feel that way still  
> Sometimes we took the hard road  
> But we always saw it through  
> If I had only one friend left  
> I'd want it to be you  
> Sometimes the world was on our side  
> Sometimes it wasn't fair  
> Sometimes it gave a helping hand  
> Sometimes we didn't care  
> 'Cause when we were together  
> It made the dream come true  
> If I had only one friend left  
> I'd want it to be you  
> Someone who understands me  
> And knows me inside out  
> Helps keep me together  
> And believes without a doubt  
> If I could move a mountain  
> Someone to tell it to  
> If I had only one friend left  
> I'd want it to be you

  


Dan Seals


End file.
